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My Dream While Hospitalized

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Cohesion
Saturday, December 24 2016 Views: 50

I've dated this dream 12/24/16, though it was almost certainly before that, although after 12/13/16. I never took notes, and am typing this up months later, so this is vague/patchy.

In reality, on December 13, I went to the University of Michigan hospital in Ann Arbor to undergo bladder/urethra removal and the creation of an Indiana pouch, an internal urine reservoir made from part of the intestines. This was due to over seven years of treatment for interstitial cystitis failing to help, and is considered the last line and most serious form of treatment. I was in the hospital a little longer than expected, partly due to the complication of tachycardia (around 120 beats a minute, I believe)--which started during surgery and alarmed the doctors so much that they delayed taking me to my recovery room for several hours. (And forgot to inform my mother.) Once there, they hooked me up to a heart monitor they called "remote telly." (I'm not sure if I'm spelling this right, since I can't find reference to it anywhere on Google. "Remote tele," maybe? It was a boxy device connected to leads on my chest, and held in the breast pocket of my gown.) This device would send a warning to people elsewhere in the hospital whenever my heart rate spiked even more; the first time I got out of my bed (assisted by a nurse), they contacted her to ask what was wrong, thinking I was having a heart attack! (I think it had gone up to 160.) My heart rate remained elevated during my entire hospital stay (eventually they got tired of dealing with the monitor going off all the time, and removed it) and didn't return to normal until weeks after my release. Despite that, I felt okay and wasn't in any distress due to my heart rate. I was released on December 24 with two catheters/urostomy bags still on me; not long afterwards, though, I got a serious kidney infection that required another hospitalization in Petoskey (January 12-17). The catheters and bags were gradually removed on followup visits to Ann Arbor, until I was left with only a stoma (permanent hole) to catheterize daily. I've since been dealing with some further bothersome complications :( , but that's for another time.

Anyway, my first few days in the hospital were quite unpleasant, largely due, I believe, to the salinated oxygen I was on. The regular oxygen dried out my sinuses and made my nose bleed, so they tried salinated oxygen instead. After a while, I started feeling quite nauseated, unable to eat/drink, and very hot; everything seemed to smell like chicken soup, making me feel even sicker. One night I gagged and almost threw up on myself. I remember being transported down the hallway for a test and thinking, how dim all these lights are, how hot it is, and how awful it smells, this isn't what a hospital is supposed to be like at all, it's supposed to be bright, and cold, and aseptic. Finally I realized the salinated oxygen was to blame, and pulled the tube away from my nose. They put me back on regular oxygen, but I removed that a little while later, so they didn't put me back on it.

I started having weird dreams during this sort of hazy nauseated state, with recurring themes of floods and water and liquids, and I do believe it was a combination of the unfamiliar environment along with the painkillers and semi-delirium that inspired most of them. I no longer recall any except fragments of this one.

I guess I was at home, though it didn't seem to resemble it much. I don't recall how it started but there was something to do with me seeing a bunch of stuffed toys outside the house and wanting to bring them inside. They were stacked in a sort of "tower" alongside a corner or chimney of the house; like I said, it looked nothing like our home, maybe the landscape vaguely resembled that around my maternal grandmother's old house but I can't really compare it to anything. It was nighttime but there was reddish/orangish light like fire inside the house coming from windows and illuminating things outside enough to see.

I seemed to be in the air or else climbing this stuffed-toy tower somehow, and I think I was picking up various toys. There was something like a stuffed panda or teddy bear, and it was in a set of two. I got one of them, I believe, but then my dad appeared and took the other one and I think he was holding it out of my reach and laughing as I protested loudly and in fear that I might fall while reaching for it. He didn't seem to care how upset I felt and how the heights were terrifying me. I think he threw the toy, and in trying to reach for it I in fact fell. Surrounding the house now was dark water, and that was what I splashed into, triggering my fear of water (I can't swim). So this was two of my greatest fears in the same dream.

I began struggling in the water, upset about having possibly lost the toy, but also terrified of drowning. The location seemed to switch a bit, and now it was supposed to be our basement, which in reality does often flood, though of course not to this extent! I was in an area that seemed like the section of basement under my bedroom; it used to be open and had only a kiddie pool in it which was filled with junk, but that was years and years ago. In my dream it was open again and there was painted graffiti/artwork on the wall (most of the walls in the basement have old artwork created by my dad and brother and me). Even though I was in the water, my view seemed to be slightly to the right of this area (near the wall), facing the back wall, and somewhat up higher. (Note added later, I think I actually meant I was to the left, so this area was more to my right. The wall is on the left when facing the back, after all.) I splashed into the water in this area and I think I was swept somewhat toward the graffitied back wall; the water was so dark and rushing around and I worried that it was filthy and contaminated, though I'm not sure if it was or not. There might have been something about Muppets in this part; also not sure. Maybe that was still the stuffed toy I'd been trying to rescue.

Then the direction of the water changed and I was swept away from the wall, suddenly ending up moving out into an outside area to the other side (back) of the house. The water was still dark and moving rapidly but it was wider back here and kind of marshy, with plants all around sticking up out of the water, and the flow was starting to slow down. It was like a current had washed me out here. This area seemed safer and cleaner; I was still scared of drowning, but I think maybe I tried to swim, and may have been somewhat successful.

This seems to be a new, somewhat recurring theme in some dreams, where I'm afraid of getting plunged into the water, but I end up jumping/falling anyway (somewhat on purpose, though under duress), because there's no other way through, and I'm always afraid of going under or drowning, but I often manage to keep somewhat afloat. There's a feeling of terror mixed with exhilaration. I'm not sure if this theme started while I was hospitalized or not (water dreams used to just induce dread in me), but if not, it seems to have kind of increased in frequency since then. I think the "drowning" feeling I had in my first days in the hospital might have contributed to this.

I'll take the time to say here that following my release from the hospital, I had a few dreams that I was back there again. It was an interesting experience, but not one I'd like to repeat.



This user is requesting interpretations for this dream. Tip: It's always good to interpret from the point of view as if it was your dream and what it might mean to you vs. what you think it means to them. You may leave a comment below.


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