Lucid Intent? No
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I am not writing about one particular dream. I don't even remember for how many years I've had recurring dreams about being in school again, either high school or college. It is obvious that I still have things to learn about life, but I'm so tired of going back to school in my dreams, I wish I knew how to quit for good!
A common theme is that it's near the end of the high school year and I'm not prepared to take my final exams. Then I remind myself that it doesn't matter because I graduated from high school in 1971. I tell myself that I don't have to go to school any more, but I still feel guilty about staying home. In other dreams it may be the first day of school, or just a regular day. I know that I am much older than the other students, and it's my second time around. I figure I can skip any of the classes I don't want to take since the whole idea of going back to school is a voluntary thing, but I still feel guilty about that, too!
Frequently I am lost while trying to find my next class. I know I'm going to be late, but then remind myself that I don't have to go anyway since I already have a degree.
Sometimes I am leaving for school or returning from school at the house where I grew up. My parents are there, but sometimes my children are there, too. My parents are often young like they were when I was in school, and my children are young like they were when they were in elementary school. Sometimes one of my old high school friends will be in school with me.
Sometimes I realize that I went back to school because I didn't have a job anyway, and I don't know what else to do with my days. Sometimes I know that I have applied for a graduate degree program in English (I majored in English and have a masters in Women's Lit) but I haven't been accepted yet. I am wondering what I will do if I don't get in. My future is a big blank (just like my father told me it would be when I was really in college, studying English, with no professional plans).
As I write this, I realize that I still feel a tremendous amount of guilt because I have earned so little money in my life. My father put me through an expensive, private college, and my husband has born most of the financial burden for our family fo 30 years. Now he's wondering when he'll be able to retire, and I am still trying to manifest abundance by doing things that I love while he reminds me that most people work to earn a living, even if it means doing something they don't enjoy.