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Me and Raquel are on a window, on the parapet actually, at a very tall building, very very high. I can't remember how we get there. There's not much room in the parapet and each move I made would make me nervous, afraid to fall. We talk about getting down. Raquel seems much more secure. She says we should jump. I say - I know it is a dream and if i jump down I would awake or fall lightly, but still... She tells me her plan, firts get down the feet, then hang by the hands, then let go. She would drop lighty. It works, - she says. But we never get to it. THen I decide for the other side: getting inside by the window. With dificulty because of the little room, I manage to breack the window and get inside the apartment. Raquel follows me. Inside there is a little girl, blong, and she is smiling on us. But them she gets afraid. We are searching around and I see an adult coming. I say - Don't worry, I have much skill with this, and I find a way out, and I jump windows, walls, stairs, until we are away in the wilderness. We end up holding, our bodies very close together, I trying to talk her to stay with me and not leave (she left).
I'm not sure if before or after all this this dream had a nice sequence on a high mountain. I was not with Raquel but with friends. We got near a river, the source a mountain stream actually, coming out of the rocks at this hig place, but it has much water, much force. I try to get near and touch the water but it is dangerous. We admire it going down the mountain to a very prety landscape down there.
I felt, after waking up and thinking the dream out, I should have jumped, I feel coward. But the exit I found seemd to have satisfied me in the dream. Since Raquel put to me, in real life, a dilema, to leave my country and go with her to an European country or to remain at home and not with her, and I had to pick the second one...
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Since my love gone away I'm trying to rebuild me. but I got some signs, in previous dreams... so yesterday we talked, via gmail. Its like I never got any further. I still lust for her. And I lost my sleep. And when I finally did, I went to a dream.
The dream was in my grandmother's house, recurring scenario of specially sufered, dificult dreams. And in real life, of specially sufered and dificult experiences, mostly not mine personaly but of my family, that I feel. Since I was a little kid I have visions when I'm there and strange dreams in relation to it.
But it was Raquel's house. I got there to try to convince her to come back to me. I know she has a boyfriend, but I also know she hadn't forgot me completely. We argue. I see other family members, I even see the boyfriend (Marcio is his name in the dream). But I don't care, all I care is her, is trying to convince her that I love her so much that I can do or think anything else then to be with her. Her mom came, it was raining, sometimes. She doesn't want her mother to see me but I don't care. I talk to her mother. I remember I said, among other things, "that she has left me, it was nothing I done wrong"... she says, "or so you must believe"...
I finally left, promissing I would return. Raquel left a mocking laugh. But when I'm a bit away from the gate, some child screamed, Raquel's little parents. At first I thought they were angry cause I have come to cause grieve on the family, but I hear them shouting "the sign is green, Raquel is fighting with Marcio, the sign is green!"
As I was going back home (the house was exactly matching my grandma's and the way back to my house was just as coherent) I was thinking how I would manage to live the next day now. I remade my apointments and to-dos of the next day (that were just today's activities). But I got in town, and saw miself walking a suspended passby (how do I say that? A bridge that instead of crossing a river, crosses a highway). It was concrete made but it finished abruptly and was completed by a wooden bridge suspended by steel bars. (It was just like the one I saw from a bus in real life during the previous day). A woman, unknown to me, was walking itsome steps ahead of me. We get to a dead end, though, that was like an mound of debries. How we gonna get down from there? I found a piece of cloth tied to an iron bar, and I figure it was like a hope to get down. I helped the lady get down to it. When she reached the floor allright I begun to get down myself.
I woke up, five in the morning, still dark. I wouldn't be able to sleep again. I've done some zazen meditation, listened to some music, at six and a half got up for some coffe. Then I have prayed (the caritas pray, can be read here), and I have cried. Now here I am. :)
From dream symbols:
A link between opposing or different emotions, desires, directions, a way to deal with difficulties. It can at times show the breakdown in a relationship when the bridge crumbles, is washed away, or is difficult to cross.
May be apropriate. Thanks God, although it was dificult and actually the bridge had no end, I could manage to come down from it, to go along my way, and helped some other person to get down to it too.
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I was at the temple, for a healing work it seems. Its day, and my friends come and go. I see Carla, I see Juninho, Clovis is there, and some more, all the ones who usually do those works with me. We are around the temple, in the nature. I get in the actual room where the works take place and they are already singing, around the table. Luiz and Manoel, who leads the works, are there. Manoel is playing the guitar and Luiz is givind the santo daime. I get in line to receive it. I remeber a bottle has ended and I got its last portion, he had to open another to complete my dose. He says something about this, like "it would be sweet because it was from the bottom of the bottle". He is in a good mood. We begun to sing. During the works some visits arrive. I notice three girls that I never seen before. But they were using the uniform of the doctrine (although none of us residents were using it).
Then people begin to leave. We get to a hymn that seems out of the tune, is dificult to sing. Manuel is playing it at C. I suggest it be played at F. People begin to leave the room. The even Manoel and Luiz leave. I found that veeery strange, people are leaving a cure session in the middle of it! I begin to take charge of the works. I get the guitar and I find E would be a good tune. A girl helps me find it. The three visiting girls are still there, and I feel alittle ashamed of this behavior of my comrades. I offer them a hymnal so they can help me sing. But I give up, everyone has left except me the girls and some other. I assume it is a breack and I go searching my friends so we can smoke in the woods and talk. When I get to the entrance of the temple, where there is a room for changing clothes and some seats for people to interact I search for Manoel, to ak him why had we left the work like that. I don't remember what he replies. Then I see the three girls near by and I go to shake their hands and introduce myself. They are very sympathetic. I go to meet Luiz. He is inside a half lighted room, seeming a little tired. When I get near him he says, "oh, Pedro, you came to say hello to me?" I say "I don't understand why we left the work unfinished". I also don't know his reply. I get out again and begin to talk with one of the three girls. That's where the dream really begins to me.
We walk together. She tells me her name, (Lula? Lua? I'm not sure, something with "L"). She came from the amazon forest, the Mapiá village (an "alternative community" of the Santo Daime in the middle of the forest). She says she has a house there. She is blond, white, and at this point I don't find her specially pretty. But I begin to enjoy her company very much. The night has come, and she wants to smoke. I have no pot with me and we go searching for my friends that could have some to shre. We don't find them. It seems we spend the night together, just walking and talking.
Next thing I remember, Its early morning and we are walking the streets. We get to a place where they rent and sell property. She asks for a place to rent, "for six months to six years", she says). I figure it out: she wants to spend some time with me! She is renting a place for us! When she finishes signing papers we walk side by side, and she passes her arm around me. I do the same, I think I've fallen in love... we end up kissing. After this we go to Luiz house. She seems to be familiar with him, and she enters his house and it is not as I know it, there is a "second floor" to it that I didn't knew it existed (in real life it doesn't exist). My memory fades in there.
I wake up... sleep again.
The dream goes on, but it is confused to me. Comes and goes, and I wake up and sleep again and return to the same dream some time after the events. I'm not with the girl anymore. I see her buying some fruits, but I don't even say hello to her, as I'm doing something else. I was trying to collect my things and go back home, I think, at the end of the dream. I get with my bags a friend's bag by mistake, and there is a lot of marijuana in it. (All along the dream there are moments I want to smoke but I can never get to it). I also get to my old home and a friend that was with me, Ronaldo, its getting inside it when I remember and say "I don't live there anymore". But I can't find the way to my new home. At thios moment I talk to Ronaldo saying that it is hard find my way in dreams. And I say to him, "we are dreaming, you know. And the paths sometimes get confused in those kind of dreams..."
Last night I was with some nostalgia, remembering R., my X. I was a bit sad when I got to sleep. I woke up and today I'm filled with love for this unexistent girl. As I write it down now the feeling begins to fade away. At first I didn't find the girl very atractive but she was becoming more and more handsome to my eyes as we spent some time together.