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i'm walking up the sidewalk leading to my house, walking home with a big bag of cat food on my
shoulder. its a sunny morning. the neighborhood looks different - more rural, no chain link
fences, and the houses are up closer to the street- but i don't register this in the dream. a white
man that i recognize as a next door neighbor is outside his house trimming a shrub. he glances up
at me and says hello. i mean to say "hi" then try to turn it into "how are you?" but the two get
mixed into something that sounds like "hire you" (or i guess "higher you"). whatever. he knows
what i mean. i walk past. his wife is out on their front porch. she says something to him about
using a bath mat as a welcome mat. i don't think they like me much. i was going to buy their house
but instead chose the one next door. and then the housing thing happened and they couldn't sell so
they were forced to stay and rent out the upstairs.
i'm walking up my sidewalk now. on the other side of my house is a little brick low income duplex.
outside on the porch is a woman i don't recognize. a tall young black woman in a bikini. she is
incredibly beautiful. i'm trying not to stare but its hard not to. she's stretching her arms above
her head and yawning. her skin is a glowy dark cinnamon color and i can see all of her muscles
underneath, long muscles under that incredible skin. i walk into the house, put down the cat food
and go to a window, pull back the curtain a little to look at the woman some more. her back is to
me now and i notice something odd-- her muscles are shivering under her skin in waves. it reminds
me of a horse when it twitches to scare off flies. and it occurs to me that her muscles remind me
of a horse too.
dream skips. i'm sitting on a couch in the livingroom. i have a visitor, a black female neighbor.
i'm telling her about the dream i had this morning, describing to her the beautiful black woman
with the horse muscles. she's telling me that a woman that fits that description actually lived in
that house years before i moved here. then things switch and it is K visiting me and we are talking
about something when this very old tiny black woman marches into the living room from the back of
the house. she is carrying a child-sized coffin. she walks right up to me and throws the coffin on
the floor at my feet. she looks furious. the coffin bounces a little and i wonder if there's a
body in it. but then i look and its not a coffin, its a battered brown leather briefcase. the old
woman is standing there with her fists clenched and she is just shaking with rage. i glance over at
K and she is just stunned, looking at the woman. i stand up, put my hands on the womans' shoulders,
say "can i help you? how did you get in here?" she doesn't answer though, just reaches into a big
black handbag hanging on her left shoulder and pulls out a black gun, points it at me, then motions
with it towards the door. "ok ok" i say and unlock the door, open it for her. the old woman picks
up the briefcase and walks through the door. beyond is a little hallway leading to another door.
just as she is opening that door someone pushes it open from the other side and walks in past her,
the black neighbor i was talking to before. she sees the old woman and the gun and says "miss grace
are you ok?" the old woman looks flustered and answers in a sweet old lady voice "yes yes dear i'll
just be on my way" and walks out of the house. the black woman turns to me. there's another woman
with her now, a big tall white woman. i tell them what happened, ask them who she is. the white
woman says "that's grace." i say "where does she live?" but neither of them are sure. i walk to
the back of the house into a little bedroom. the back door is in this room and it is open. there
are men's clothes that i don't recognize laid out on the bed, formal clothes- fine suits and ties
morning nap dream
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TR is visiting from new orleans. she's sitting at the dining room table talking. i'm sitting on
the living room floor working on the tin ceiling panels. the house layout is like 8346 but still
looks more like my house in real life. i'm bending the tin trying to straighten it out. i'm
working on the piece that has hardly any paint left on it. it's pretty easy to bend the metal but
every time i make an adjustment another area of the piece becomes wavy and then i need to make
another. i'm concentrating on what i'm doing and not catching all that TR is saying. i'm sort of
irritated that she's here but i'm trying to be polite. its not working though because its pretty
obvious to her that i'm not really listening to anything she's saying. but i keep trying to gloss
over this, laughing when she laughs, asking stupid questions. i finally get the tin square as flat
as i think i can. i stand up and say "i think i'm going to wipe these down before i hang them." i
walk into the kitchen and find some pledge wipes under the sink. when i turn to go back through the
dining room TR is standing and she has on a black leather coat. i say "are you leaving already?"
she says yes that she just wanted to stop by. standing beside her is another woman with thin
straight hair, someone she's dating. i walk them both to the front door. i say "didn't you just
get here? what time is it?" the girlfriend says "actually its quite late, it must be two am."
"really?!" i say and i rummage in my bag for my cellphone. i say "well i'm not surprised. when i
get sucked into one of my projects time goes by really quickly." i find my cell phone and look at
the time display. it says 7:30pm. i say "its not that late!" and the girlfriend smiles. they
were just f*cking with me i guess. i walk them both outside and down the sidewalk. let them out
through a little metal gate. they get in a car and drive off.
its dusk. i'm standing there on a little square of lawn holding the tin ceiling panel i was working
on earlier. i lay it down on the grass and kneel down and wipe at it with a pledge wipe that i have
in my hand. then i pause and look around. there are little holes dug into the lawn. sticking out
of each hole is a pack of playing cards. i stand up and start to gather them up but then change my
mind. some kids must have been playing some sort of game. i don't want to ruin it for them. i put
the cards back into the holes then go back to the ceiling tin. its getting dark. i hear some
people coming up the sidewalk. they sound like drunk teenagers, yelling and laughing, manic youth.
i pick up my ceiling tin and walk back inside the house.
i walk in through the back door somehow. a little white bulldog puppy runs up to greet me. i
recognize the dog as belonging to K's girlfriend. i kneel down and pet its wiggling body. i say
"what are you doing here?" then i walk into the living room to find K and her girlfriend there.
the girlfriend looks like her ex, I, but i know it is her current girlfriend, R. the girlfriend is
sitting in a recliner chair. K is sitting on a couch. i say hello to them. K starts talking and
crying at the same time. she's talking really fast and i can't understand what she's saying. i'm
really sleepy and confused so that's not helping matters any. all i can gather is that something
happened which is preventing them from going to the beach. she's also apologizing to me for some
reason. at first i think that the problem has to do with the dog, that it can't stay where they had
planned for it to stay, that they are asking me to watch it while they are gone. but K says no no
and the girlfriend rolls her eyes. K is holding a martini glass and stirring the drink with a glass
swizzle stick. it taps against the glass as she cries. then i notice that her tears are falling in
the clear drink and that when they hit the drink they are turning red like blood and oozing through
the alcohol like the hot wax of a lava lamp. i say to K "is it just that you don't want to go?"
and she quick darts her eyes at me then away and shakes her head no. but its obvious to me that
this is the case.
dream skips. i'm outside somewhere. a park setting. big trees. a lot of people around. i'm
semi-lucid and have been for some time (although i can't now remember that part of the dream).
i'm sitting in the grass looking at a little stream and there is a breeze blowing and the leaves of
the trees are breaking up the light. just then i really realize i'm dreaming and sort of "push"
myself into a more lucid state. everything becomes very vivid then and i stand up and start
walking. the swish swish sound of the wind in the trees is hypnotic. i look up at the green
canopy high above me shivering in the sunlight. i start to feel myself waking then and i rub my
fingers together and look away from the sunlight. the dream becomes unstable then. i walk up to
one of the trees and hug it, rub my lips against its bark. this works, making the dream more solid.
i walk some more and find myself at the top of a high steep grassy hill. lots of people around
playing in the park. i notice a little boy sitting at the top of the hill. he has long shiny
aluminum poles strapped to his legs. they extend all the way down the hill. at the bottom of the
hill is the boy's father. he is calling up to the boy, trying to convince him to try to stand up.
but the boy is scared, crying. the scene irritates me. it seems very contrived and
after-school-special-ish. the crippled boy, the encouraging father. so i grab the little boy by
his blonde hair and drag him a few feet then push him down the hill. he is rolling and screaming
and the aluminum poles are banging against one another making a ringing sound. the father is making
"oh no" gestures at the bottom of the hill and i am laughing. then a little stab of remorse comes
and i say to myself "that was bad." but i push it away and walk away from all of the commotion then
slide down the green hill on my butt.
at the bottom of the hill i stand up and dust myself off. there's a street in front of me and on
the other side are little beat up shack houses. people hanging out on the porches. i cross the
street and walk down the sidewalk. i find a house with two black pit bulls chained up on the porch.
they are straining at their chains, lunging towards me, barking, growling, crazy with dog rage.
there's a man up on the porch with them. he's smoking a cigarette and looking at me through
half-lidded eyes. i say "what nice doggies, can i pet them?" and start walking up onto the porch.
i mean to go up to them, let them rip me apart if that's how the dream goes. i want to do it more
to f*ck with the man than anything else. and the man plays along, looks alarmed, says "hey no you
don't want to do that." but then i actually do get scared of them even though i know i'm dreaming.
the man says "pet that one. he's friendly." and i notice another black pit bull unchained on the
sidewalk. i stoop down and pet him and he puts one of his paws onto my shoulder like my dog does.
i hug him and he smiles at me and slobbers on my cheek and his brown eyes shine with that particular
sort of sweet love that only dogs have.
morning nap dream. i am working on some ceiling tins. K left for the beach with her gf on sunday.
she was apprehensive about the trip.
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i've just moved into some apartment. i'm showing c around it. she keeps telling me its too big and too
expensive. there are other people who live here. two women who are a couple. i don't know them
well. through a window i can see into their living area which is separate from mine. i show c. as we
are peering through we notice that there is rain falling into the room. i tell c this is because there is no
ceiling in the room. its designed that way. but when i look up i see that there is a ceiling after all. did i
just make up what i just told c? i'm not sure. and then where is the rain coming from? i just stand
there and watch awhile as the furniture and rugs get drenched.
dream skips. its a few days later and the women i live with are home. they call me into the room that
was being rained on before. now its dry. they are sitting on the couch together. in front of them is a
big bowl of popcorn and another bowl of chocolates. i'm standing up near the couch. they are eating
popcorn and chocolate, laughing and drawing me into their conversation. i feel like i'm being teased in
some way. i feel uncomfortable. one of them has dark hair and one has light hair. they are both
about my age. the dark haired one is tall and thin. her hair is chin length and has a choppy cut. her
eyes are dark. she's attractive but in a sort of so-what way. but then again there's something about
her. she's talking to me more than the other one is. a sort of teasing dare to her words. and i feel like
i'm being drawn into something. i don't trust her. the other one is just lying back on the other end of
the couch, smiling and watching the exchange. then the dark-haired one reaches out and grabs my
arm, pulls me onto the couch beside her. she tells me her name is Rae. then she kisses me. i pull
away, glance over at her girlfriend who is still watching. she's smiling still but she has a cruel look on
her face. i look back at Rae. she smiles and says "it doesn't matter."
dream skips. k is visiting me. she already knows the strange couple i live with. she's warning me
about them. especially rae. she tells me to be careful, to stay away from both of them. she tells me
that they are dangerous, that they amuse themselves with other people. she's really worried about
me. she wants me to move out. i tell her she's being ridiculous, that i can take care of myself.
dream skips. i'm in the apartment alone with rae. she's working her charms on me. i feel like i'm
getting sucked into something, that i'm being tricked. she keeps pulling me towards her and kissing
me. i keep pulling away. i tell her i don't know her at all. i tell her i don't know what kind of person
she is. i keep trying to engage her in conversation but she just keeps playing hard at her game. and i
feel myself getting weaker, getting sucked into her spell.
dream skips. i'm alone in the apartment. i'm sitting on the couch in that same room. i'm smoking and
watching tv. i've put the bowl of popcorn and the bowl of chocolates under the coffee table in front of
me. the table is made of old barn wood, big gaps between the planks. i'm getting hypnotized by the
tv. then i smell smoke and i look away from the tv. my cigarette has fallen out of the ashtray and onto
the table. the table is smoking and some of the wood has turned to orange embers. i pour some water
from a glass on top of it and it sizzles and steams. but then flames flash up through the gaps in the
boards. i look underneath and see that the bowl of popcorn is on fire. i stand up and move the table
away from the fire. i just stand there and watch the popcorn burn. its in a metal bowl so i'm not
worried about anything else catching on fire. i notice then the bowl of chocolate beside it. the
chocolate is melted and bubbling in the heat.
morning nap dream