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I was staying at somebody's house. My parents were there too. All across the room, all over the floor there were empty and half-empty glasses of milk and occasionally chocolate milk. I got the feeling that I was responsible for these glasses being there. When my mom came into the room, I asked her for help dealing with all the glasses. She obliged, picking up several and getting ready to leave. I tried to pick up a glass of chocolate milk, but found that I was too weak, and only succeeded in tipping it over. I asked for help, but she wouldn't help me.
My mom left and my dad came into the room. He started talking about how interesting work was recently, but I was bored by what he had to say and he soon left.
I was then admiring the various obscure Japanese manga posters the owner of the room had up. I didn't recognize any of them, but it seemed impressive nonetheless.
The dream changed, and I was going to see a girl who was apparently my girlfriend. She had won a race of some sort and so I was going to congratulate her. I was with my old friend Jordan, and the setting appeared to be some sort of weird combination of the sixties and a sci-fi world, as we discussed whether or not there would be hippies at the convention the race took place at. On the way there, we met up with some friends, and I partially reverted to my dream persona of the super genius inventor. I talked about how my own vehicle had a top speed of 725.pi MPH. Apparently, while bored one day, I had come up with a system for applying pi to things like vehicle speeds.
Anyway, we got lost while looking for the award area, so I called my dream girlfriend and asked where to go. She directed me to the showers, telling me she craved celebratory sex.
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I was in a dark room with several people. One of them was my mom. She was bugging me as she tends to do in dreams, so I managed to have her replaced by someone else using dream control. Unfortunately my dream control wasn't very strong, and the person that replaced her was just as bad if not worse: an unbathed hobo/crossdresser with the least convincing outfit I've ever seen. Gigantic cylandrical fake breasts, neon green dress, no wig, hairy legs, hairy face, missing teeth... This guy was a mess. He was actually kind of awesome in his unkempt, disgusting surreality.
He started talking to me, alternately trying to hit on me (blechh!!) and rambling incoherently. Eventually, he dug into the back of his dress with his hands and produced several meatballs, which he began to toss at several of the people in the room, unfortunately including me, to our great disgust.
He continued to produce meatballs from under his dress, eventually producing what he claimed was a linguini dish, but which looked more like some kind of horrible, matted lasagna. Eventually he disappeared and the dream moved on.
I left the room and soon encountered what seemed to be my ideal woman. She was sexy, cute, and flirting with me - I was in heaven! However, the people around me didn't see the woman, they saw something else, something that they wanted to see. I realized that I'd encountered a creature that manifested itself as the fantasy of whoever observed it. I was fascinated by the creature, and although I wasn't sure if it understood me, I asked if it wanted to come with me. It seemed to understand - it was still appearing before me as a cute, flirty girl so it wasn't really responding to me - and followed me for the rest of the dream.
For some reason, since the incident with the crossdresser, I had felt the need for a weapon. This dream-world felt dangerous to me. Wandering strange hallways with the fantasy creature, I came across a strange black knife lying on a shelf and picked it up. It seemed powerful in some way, so I kept it.
I soon got a chance to use it, as I came upon two or three thugs accosting someone. When I approached, one of them came at me and I pulled my knife. The knife started to vibrate, and when he was about to attack, it glowed red and began to draw energy from him. He collapsed on the floor. He quickly recovered though, and not knowing how to use the knife, I tried to bluff him, waving it as if I was casting a spell. He didn't fall for it, and drew a knife of his own. When he attacked me I got in a lucky shot and cut off his hand with my razor sharp knife.
His comrade now abandoned their victim and came after me. For some reason I was sure I wouldn't be able to overcome him. Luckily, I didn't have to, as my own compatriot, the fantasy creature, distracted the mugger with a bittersweet vision of his apparently deceased family. That's all I remember.
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INTERIOR - LIQUOR STORE
Two men are inside the store: a CLERK behind the counter, a CUSTOMER buying a bottle of liquor. The CUSTOMER finishes his purchase.
Thank you, and have a nice day.
The CUSTOMER walks to the door while the CLERK puts the money in the cash register. But once the CUSTOMER is about to open the door, suddenly...
The door is kicked open with tremendous force by a shirtless, oily KUNG FU GUY. The door slams into the CUSTOMER and whips him into the wall of the store, closing on him. As it opens again, CLOSE UP on the CUSTOMER. He is imbedded in the wall, pouring GALLONS OF BLOOD from every orifice.
The KUNG FU GUY approaches the counter. The CLERK pulls a metal baseball bat from behind the counter.
This is a robbery, open the safe!
You don't even have a gun.
I am robbing you with my kung fu skills. Watch!
The KUNG FU GUY grabs the baseball bat, throws it in the air, and kicks it. It disintigrates. The CLERK raises his arms.
I am intimidated!
Now open the safe!
I am very frightened, but I can't do that.
You leave me no choice.
The KUNG FU GUY karate chops one of the CLERK's arms. It snaps off at the elbow. The CLERK looks at the stump wistfully.
Open the safe!
No, I won't!
The KUNG FU GUY karate chops the CLERK's other arm, with identical results.
Great, now I couldn't open it if I wanted to.
Wait a beat.
Want to play rock paper scissors?
CLOSE UP on the KUNG FU GUY as he laughs theatrically for an uncomfortable period of time, with a couple reaction shots of the CLERK.
Then, suddenly, the door is kicked open again. This time it is BILLY TRASH COP, action hero extraordinaire, mulleted hero of the people. He wears aviator sunglasses and a cop mustache on his face, and carries two pistols in his hands.
Not so fast, kung fu fuckwad!
It's Billy Trash Cop!
That's right, and it's time for justice, Billy Trash Cop style.
BILLY TRASH COP starts firing his pistols at the KUNG FU GUY. He fires them more than 20 times each, total, thanks to the miracle of editing. As he fires, CUT back and forth between BILLY, the KUNG FU GUY, who is being covered in blood as he is shot, and the CLERK, who is getting a bit of the KFG's blood splashed on him. After BILLY has fired a ridiculous number of rounds into the KUNG FU GUY, the KUNG FU GUY's head explodes, splattering both the CLERK and BILLY with debris. BILLY finally finishes firing his seemingly unlimited ammo and approaches the CLERK as the KUNG FU GUY's corpse falls to the ground.
Thank you, Billy Trash Cop! You saved me, and you saved my money!
No problem, kid. Here, you look like you need this more than I do.
BILLY plops one of his guns onto the CLERK's gorey stumps with a sickening slimey sound effect.
CLOSE UP on BILLY as he sneers masculinely at the camera. FREEZE FRAME, then ROLL CREDITS.
This was what I wrote immediately after waking up from last night's dream. I changed a few things, but it's pretty close to the original dream. A list of the changes:
1. It was originally a grocery store, not a liquor store.
2. There was less dialog, although the rock paper scissors dialog was in the dream.
3. There was no baseball bat.
4. The Kung Fu Guy only broke the Clerk's arms instead of snapping them off.
5. Everything after the Kung Fu Guy's head exploding was added.